By now our family and friends have received the announcement and we feel that it is time to share with everyone our wonderful news - Lily is going to be a Big Sister!
We are thrilled, excited and patient...we do not want to rush this pregnancy AT.ALL.
Every moment of quesiness, tiredness, headaches, pains, constipation, stretch marks and needle pokes are welcomed by me and I will do whatever it takes to get this baby as far along as I possibly can (but know that it is not all up to me). All the things that I complained about last time, seem so stupid now. I remember sitting by Lily's isolette as she struggled to breath and thought I can't believe that I complained about being so uncomfortable and fat. Because she was much more uncomfortable in that isolette than I ever was with her inside me and who really would have cared how fat I got - only me. But I only think those complaints are stupid now that I know how easily it can all be taken away in an instant.
Since we got the "green light" from the Perinatologist in November to conceive again, we decided to start trying right away and although it didn't happen quite as fast as the "2 week shocker" we had last time, it did happen very fast, our December cycle, and we are blessed and happy to have the opportunity to bring another baby into this world.
It seemed much harder this time to keep this a secret...last time I relished in the fact that only Chris and I knew that we were having a baby...this time I wanted to shout from the rooftops as soon as I took the test....ah, the test...this will be a story to tell someday...(and people that know me will just smile about this story)
On Friday, January 15th I took a test in the morning and it was negative. All day at work I *felt* pregnant and just knew that I was. On my way home before I picked up Lily I stopped at Target and got a test. I went and got Lily and we headed to Mayfair to go use our Gymbucks. The first stop was the Macy's bathroom, because, why the heck not? I preceded to take a pregnancy test in the handicap bathroom with Lily sitting in her stroller staring at me. Yes, I peed on a stick in the Macy's bathroom and then I tucked it in the top of the stroller and got myself together and pulled it back out...
My hands started to shake as I read it and I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at Lily still smiling and gave her a kiss and told her she was going to be the best big sister. Her smile seemed to confirm it. I tried to shop, but was obviously completely distracted by the late breaking news I had just gotten in the Macy's bathroom. I decided to go to Barnes & Noble and pick up the Belly Book, my favorite pregnancy journal that I had with Lily. As I checked-out, the sales woman said "Oh, you need this again?" I was caught off guard and almost needed to remind myself that yes, I did! I said "Yes, I just took a pregnancy test in the Macy's bathroom and haven't told anyone yet". She squealed "Congratulations!" and came out from the desk to give me a hug. That was it - I was pregnant and had just confirmed it by saying it out loud to the sales lady at Barnes & Noble (a complete stranger).
I aimlessly strolled around Mayfair deciding how I would tell Chris.
You see, last time was nothing like I thought it would be, I didn't give Chris a bib or a picture frame or anything like what other couples do, no this is how it went down:
Chris was standing outside the bathroom door when I took the test, he didn't know I was taking it, we were both getting ready for work and it was a Friday morning, he thought I was using the bathroom and was talking to me outside the door. We had just started "trying" 2 weeks before and I was pretty sure that there was no possible way the test would be positive, but we were going to a friend's birthday that evening and there would be drinking involved, so I tested, just to be safe. At some point through the door Chris said "Aren't you excited about tonight?" and I looked at the test and said "Yeah, but I don't think I will be drinking"...Chris slowly opened the door and looked at me - he knew what I meant...I told him I was pregnant and we were both in a state of total shock (and denial) - who does this ever happen too?
So, because last time was nothing "cute" like I had always imagined, and was more shocking than anything, I knew I wanted this time to be different. I bought another test on the way home from the mall and decided what I would do. But my plan meant I would have to keep it a secret from Chris until the next morning - it almost killed me. I avoided him like the plague and told him that I had some blogging to do and went upstairs on the computer until he went to work that night. The next morning when he came home from work this is what happened:
Baby K, also known as Caramel Cashew is due September 26th
We are so excited and happy!
But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't the tiniest bit scared, which is to be expected. Let me assure all of you that Chris and I would have never even tried to have another baby unless we were confident that things were going to turn out better, and we are. We have been told to expect to deliver between 28-32 weeks, but that is the worst case scenario, and with what we all know now there are so many things that can be done to prevent that situation from happening again. We are so hopeful that we will have a full-term baby. I know that by reading my chart, it looks bad and they have to tell me the worst. But they do not know what kind of person I am, the fight and the will I have in me and what kind of strong kids we make. I have always said that Lily is the strongest little girl I know, and I know this baby will be just as strong - things will be better!
Now, I am sure you all want to know what will be different this time....
- Well, first of all I have a great team of OB's that I am working with and we all learned a lot from the last time.
- Since we know now that I have Factor II and MTHFR (blood clotting disorders), I was put on Lovenox shots immediately. I give one to myself each night in the stomach and during the 2nd or 3rd trimester we will bump it up to 2 shots/day.
- I have also been in to see the OB's ALOT, pretty much once a week, partly because this pregnancy started off with spotting and bleeding, no one wants to see blood when they are pregnant. At 6 weeks I had an ultrasound to check on the bleeding and they found a subchorionic hematoma. At 9 weeks I had another ultrasound and it had resolved itself - all gone - whew! I don't need anything else to worry about.
- Each month I see my hematologist to check my platelets because of the Lovenox shots and what happened last time I was on Heparin (I became "allergic" or had a Heparin Dependent Antibody).
- Every month I also do a 24 hour urine catch and take it into the OB so they can check for protein in my urine.
- I take my blood pressure at home with a cuff every morning and night and my pressures are holding steady at 120/70.
- I am taking extra folic acid and calcium, both of which are supposed to help with pre-eclampsia.
- I am resting a lot more than I did last time.
- I will be seeing the Perinatologist (high-risk pregnancy Doctor) for a consult and she will be working closely with my OB's, as well as my Hematologist.
- I have already taken pictures of my hands and feet, so that we will be able to tell if they are swelling (last time I had no clue because I see myself every day and just thought I was gaining a lot of weight).
I am definitely not in the ignorant bliss I found myself in the first time I was pregnant, and it's a shame, because that is such a great way to go through a pregnancy. I am definitely more concerned about things this time and have thought about things that never even occured to me last time.
If I let myself, I can get carried away with worries about what might happen, but all I can do is hope and pray for the best and prepare for the worst, and that is what we intend on doing.
I will be keeping this blog updated on this pregnancy, as well as how Lily is doing. I am trying to think of a new name that will encompass Caramel Cashew too, suggestions are welcome (you will get full bragging rights on naming our blog)!
She's not exactly sure what to make about all this